i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i came on her dog
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
