sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
