I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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