Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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