It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
