Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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