I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i think i just lost a toe
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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