She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
