We named our party play list daddy issues
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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