I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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