my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
