I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
