She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
