i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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