Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
