doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
