I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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