im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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