All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
