Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
