my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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