My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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