Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
did you just send me my own nude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
