is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
