8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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