My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
