You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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