I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
