so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im part way to drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
