Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
