Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
