so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We need a shit load of segways right now
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
