I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
