So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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