Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
