I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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