we made out on top of his cat.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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