i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
