Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
