Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
