my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
