vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
