Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
