I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
