Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
