Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
