i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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