i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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