I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
