making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
